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Increasing Intimacy with Boundaries

Boundaries can make you more intimate

It's very important for me to know clearly what your expectations are and what your boundaries are.

I'd much rather be holding hands if that's what you're comfortable with, than be teaching sexual skills while you're freaked because it's too intimate for you at that time. You can't learn anything well (or be intimate with your partner, for that matter) if you are ignoring that you would be more comfortable doing something else or taking a break for a few minutes.

If you tell me, I can deliberately not cross your boundaries; if I don't know what your boundaries are, I may find some of them by crossing them, oops! (I'll be attentive enough that I would notice very quickly and back away, I promise).

If you notice a boundary during your session, please let me know. Your boundaries can change, even moment-to-moment, as your emotions change and as your trust of me develops. I understand that what you were comfortable with last month or five minutes ago may not be comfortable now. Or, what was a little too much a few minutes ago, might be much too little now.

We can always modify what we planned to do so you enjoy our time together! Sometimes making a change as simple as taking a few breaths or sitting a few inches further apart can make an amazing difference. (This is definitely something to practice even with a partner you've been with for years.). Later if your comfort level changes, you can always be more physically intimate, once you have established the emotional intimacy.

If you would, notice how your body reacts to these ideas:

(I am not offering all of these. This exercise is for you to become aware of what your boundaries are, and to begin knowing what you are comfortable exploring.)

How comfortable are you with being nude?

What do you think about the possibility of getting a sensual massage wearing a bikini or lingerie? (an "mmmm, that feels so good" massage)

How comfortable would you be with an erotic massage, including your whole body? (an "ooohh, you're getting me hot!" massage)

Would you feel having your breasts thoroughly massaged, including deeply to relax your "pecs" and open your lymph nodes, sensually for the pleasure of it, and with a nurturing energy at your heart? Given how many fatal diseases we have in our chest and breasts it's a very good idea, I think, for everyone to get nurturing attention (non-sexual), on and around our breasts.

How would you feel talking about your sex life with a man who is comfortable with your feelings, emotions, passions?

How comfortable would you feel if something we do together triggers emotional releases? For example if you suddenly start crying, or are suddenly feeling grief, or rage? (I know several techniques to open the emotions, and release the energy so you wouldn't have to store it any more.)

How do you feel about being still and quiet, while looking in each other's eyes? (This is amazingly difficult for many people, much harder than turning out the lights and fucking! Yet it can become so delightful I consider it virtually a requirement before any sensual or sexual activity, even with my regular lover).

How would you feel about being held? (Visualize holding an infant, nurturing through whatever emotions are there.)

Would you be willing to be highly aroused, without us therefore doing anything sexual? (I am willing to massage your yoni if you want, but not intercourse or oral sex. No promises about your yoni being touched; I am quite willing to promise not to touch.)

Would you like having pictures taken while you are partly nude, fully nude, or orgasming? (No, I do not do that in a session! I included it because it probably made some of your boundaries very clear! If this is a fantasy of yours, maybe we could fulfill it some other time.)

Please communicate your boundaries to me before we meet.

I'd appreciate knowing your boundaries before the day of your session, so I can plan better how your sessions will go.